Thankful

Sometimes I get sick and tired of being sick and tired and when those days come I have to sit back check myself and realize I have so much to be thankful for.

I am thankful to be have one more day to see the faces I love. I get another chance to feel something even if its only pain. I am thankful I have made it through seven surgeries. The part that fellow spoonies may not like is, that I am thankful at times to my illness. Yes, yes I know Pseudotumor Cerebri and Epilepsy really suck but they’ve helped mold me into the woman I am today. Sick or not that is a woman I can be proud of. A woman who knows more about myself then I would have ever known at this stage in my life. It has shown me just how strong I really am. And that I can conquer all obstacles in my way. On top of that it renewed my faith in God. I have gone to church all my life but in hindsight I think I got to a point where I was going through the motions of prayers and church and everything I’ve gone through shook my reality and that earthquake renewed the faith I have in God. I can thank PTC and Epilepsy for showing me what real friends are and the true meaning of family. The most important of  the reasons I am thankful to my illnesses is that I am more self aware then ever before and definitely more than most of the people around my age.

Its odd how something so horrendous can make us all into something so beautiful. I had a theology teacher once tell me that the world would be much better place if  people seen the amazement in every moment instead of the strife. Doing that has given me a sense of peace that is priceless. I wouldn’t trade the understanding of myself ,the love I feel, the peace, and the closeness with my loved ones for anything. And That is why I am thankful. That is why on the hardest days I will turn to this feeling instead of the sadness that can overwhelm us on the worst pain filled emotional days. Changing the way you think really can change the way you feel sometimes even if its just for a little while .

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