Sometimes you hope for something to be wrong

Having a chronic condition sucks. You go back and forth to the doctors, You have to take test after test after test. I’ve been dealing with a nonstop high pressure headache since the beginning of September. I’ve had blood test,EEG’s,MRI’s, CT Scans and the worst of it spinal taps. Even with all of that my wonderful team of doctors can not find out what is wrong with me or my two shunts. I’ve been through so much and I am so tired that I can not wait to hear the doctor say that they found something wrong and they can fix it.  I’ve had seven surgeries in two years, three of which were brain surgeries and I am in so much pain that id volunteer to have another one if it would fix the problem. You always know with a chronic illness that it’ll never truly be over but you would do anything in the world to get this bought of pain over, these issues you are experience today over. Even if it means a long hospital stay, a surgery, more medication, anything.  But when you feel that way and you express these feelings, this urgency to your doctors they think your crazy, they might even send you to a shrink. They think you must just want attention because who in their right mind would want another surgery just to get rid of pain. But that is what they don’t understand, they don’t understand the pain that we feel so enormously everyday all day long.